"Welcome HOME Sister Bagley."

I've always been the kind of missionary who wakes up each morning thinking, "I can't believe I am in Korea." It's one of those things that I will probably never ever get used to. But now, after spending three months at home longing to be back in Korea, it's also something that I will never again take for granted. I'll be honest and say that I was a little nervous about returning to Korea because I was scared that I'd be dealing with a lot of feelings and circumstances that I never before had to deal with as a missionary. So maybe the plane ride felt extra long because of that... BUT, the moment I stepped off the plane, gathered up all my luggage, and walked out to see my sweet mission president and his wife waiting for me and holding up a sign that read, "Welcome Home Sister Bagley!" I knew that everything was going to be okay. 

I've never been much of a crier, but I sobbed. I dropped all my stuff and just cried as I hugged Sister Morrise. I don't think any collection of words will ever be sufficient enough to capture that moment-- but I'll keep it in my heart forever. 

The first day here (Thursday) felt a little strange but by Friday, we were running around all over Boondong (my new area) going from appointment to appointment. I think I am grateful for this trial.  Mostly because I thought I was happy as a missionary BEFORE I had to come home... but now I've reached new levels of happiness. I'm so overwhelmed by it. I doubt I'll ever have a bad day ever again. Why? Because I am a missionary in KOREA! I am the luckiest person in the whole entire world. 

Everyone keeps asking me about my Korean so I guess I'll just go ahead and answer that so it's out of the way already-- There are a lot of little things I forgot but just being back in Korea has jogged my memory. Yesterday I had to speak in church to introduce myself because I'm the new missionary in the ward. Afterwards, all the members came up and told me that I speak very well... but all you have to say to people in Korea is "Hi," before they start swooning over the fact that you speak Korean. I think they were just being nice. But it meant a lot to me nonetheless!

Before I left America for the second time, in a conversation I had with Mom and Dad, Dad said, "Home is where the heart is." I have heard that phrase so many times throughout the course of my life but it never really hit me as hard as when I heard Dad say it that night. It's true-- home is where the heart is. It was really interesting for me to be home for three months. I was so grateful to be with all my loved ones but yet I still felt a little out of place. I think I now understand that I felt that way only because I didn't feel at "home" yet. I left my heart in Korea. When we started to talk about "home" during the time that I was sick, I was determined to not get on a plane back to America. I think I was determined to stay in Korea because there was something inside my heart that kept telling me that my work here in Korea wasn't supposed to be over yet. President Morrise helped me to sort through all my thoughts and feelings during that time and together we made the decision for me to go home. But thanks to President, (truly, if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be back in Korea) I was able to go home and receive the treatment I needed in order to come back to Korea and finish what I'm supposed to do here. 

I feel home. I truly feel like I am at home. I'm doing what God intended for me to do and somehow, during the course of the last couple of months, I now am even more in love with missionary work. Seriously, I don't think there's such a thing as a "bad day" in Korea. Nothing can get me down!

Anyways, I'm happy. And we're really feeling the Christmas spirit over here in Asia. Everyone also keeps asking if I'm sad that I don't get to spend Christmas with my family... and yes, of course! But I am also just really really grateful to experience Christmas a different way. My feelings are so tender right now and I have a feeling this will be the best Christmas yet. 

Being in Korea is my Christmas miracle!

I love you all. 

And I'm happier than ever,

xoxo,

Sister CaLea Bagley 

p.s. Elder Grossegebauer (I can't spell his name....) is in my district/ward and so is Elder Hastriter (my last district leader.) And did I mention that I'm living in the same house as Sister Giles? (My last companion.)

WEIRD. 

Happy Christmas, CaLea.

There are beautiful Christmas lights strung up everywhere, stockings hung, presents under the tree, and thanks to the diligence of my younger brother, there is almost always Christmas music playing. But more importantly, our home is carefully decorated with images depicting the Savior's life and ministry. It's such a wonderful, incredible, warm (maybe not outside, but in our hearts) time of year. And as odd as the circumstances may be, I've been really grateful to share that with my dear family and loved ones. 

Maybe I'm still in America-- for now. But the time is drawing near for me to return to my home away from home. I can't help but to feel this overwhelming sense of gratitude for the love that our Heavenly Father so graciously gives. He immerses us in it entirely. He is not partial in any way-- even though we may not feel as if we deserve His love, compassion, and forgiveness, He not only continues to give them to us, but pours them down from heaven so plentifully that we will never be capable of fully receiving all that He offers us. 

This year, for Christmas, He's giving me one of the greatest gifts I've ever received-- a Christmas miracle: I get to return to my mission in Korea. People keep asking me if I'm sad to be leaving (again) right before Christmas and all I can manage to say in response is, "Oh, I don't even care. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my family and it's sad that I won't be with them. But technically I wasn't supposed to be home for Christmas anyway. I'm just overjoyed to be going back to Korea." And usually people will just nod their heads and give a little smile and that's that. 

There are no words in the english dictionary (nor the Korean, that I know of) that could ever accurately express the feelings, experiences, and lessons learned that have all been a part of this journey. But sometimes words are overrated. (I can't believe I just said that-- I love words.) Life is too full of too many things. But you know what? All of those things, the little details, the difficult moments, and the tender mercies are all tucked carefully away within my heart. We're made up of all those little details. 

My head is full of thoughts and my heart is full of emotions. And miraculously, the closer it gets, the more full my head and my heart feel! I'm grateful. And terrified. And excited. And overjoyed. And nervous. And so many other things that I should probably just stop listing them now before I start to bury myself in all of that-- 

Most of all, I'm ready. 

I'm beyond ready.

Korea, here I come! 

xoxo,

Sister CaLea Bagley

CaLea in Korea: Part 2 of 2.

It's been a long time coming, but I am happy to say that I am finally able to respond with "a couple of weeks" when people ask me how long until I get to step back on a plane destined for Korea. I don't know an exact date yet but we are aiming for December 18th. Maybe sooner. I'm ecstatic but also exceptionally nervous. This whole mid-mission break thing has been the most difficult trial of my life up to date. I know that stepping on the plane isn't going to be the end of the struggle either-- I've got to transition back into the missionary lifestyle. I've been really pushing to keep a schedule as close as possible to the missionary schedule, but you can only get so close when you're not actually a missionary. 

Anyways, I'll be spending the next few weeks repacking and praying for lots of extra strength! I don't know what my future holds but I know that whatever it brings, God's hand is in it. My plans for the future have been somewhat spoiled for the time being-- so I'm kind of just walking forward with my fingers crossed and a prayer in my heart. 

I know that God designed a plan for us-- and not just us as a whole, but for each of us individually. God created a plan of happiness for me, CaLea Myshel Bagley. He didn't send me here just to suffer and "endure" the days of my life; He sent me here to ENJOY my life. The enjoyment of life isn't reserved for those with "perfect lives..." if that were the case then I suppose none of us would be enjoying our lives. We're here to endure but we're also here to enjoy. We're here to experience sorrow but we're also here to smile. We're here to learn and to grow but we are also here to help those around us learn and grow as well. 

Yeah, each day of our life is a climb to become a little better than we were the day before. Sometimes our journey may feel a little steeper or our legs will feel a little wobbly-- but we've got to keep climbing! The view from the top is going to be worth the effort, I just know it. 

"If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill."
-Henry B. Eyring 

Here's to old adventures and new adventures alike. And here's to miracles-- because I've seen so many miracles during the course of this journey. Here's to being a missionary and here's to serving in Korea! I consider myself so very blessed. 

xoxo

Sister CaLea Bagley

Hey, Guess What.

I'm going back to Korea!!!!

xoxo

Tips For Preparing Sister Missionaries (Round 2!)

//Okay, let's be honest, skirts are the hardest things to find these days. Like, since when does a mini-skirt even count as a piece of clothing?? That being said, in my opinion, the best place to go for mission skirts is thrift stores. Why? Because grandmas are ALWAYS throwin' out their old skirts. The skirts are longer, cheap, and unique. Yes, there are also really great places like downeast and mikarose that offer awesome mission clothing, but they are pretty pricey-- especially if you're buying in bulk. 

//As for shirts. I found that a lot of the shirts I took on my mission (the first time around) were sheer just because that's the "style" these days. No. You can take a few sheer shirts, but I promise you, as one sister missionary to another, life is so much easier when you don't HAVE to wear anything under the shirt. Obviously if it's going to be freezing where you're serving then it doesn't really matter because you'll be wearing a thousand different layers anyways. But I always preferred to wear the shirts that were cute and low maintenance. (And again, DI/thrift stores are the BEST!)

//Since I keep bringing up thrift stores, I'll explain once again why I like them: they're cheap, you find unique clothing, there are so many long skirts available, and most of all, you'll likely leave all your mission clothing in your last area when it's finally time to come home. So why spend all that money on something that will only last you eighteen months? Solution: thrift stores. (I really am just obsessed with them. If you want, I'll take you and be your personal thrift-store-trainer.)

//Keep a little book with you at ALL times that you can write in. I don't care what you put in there, feelings, frustrations, spiritual thoughts, amazing experiences-- whatever. It's a little journal full of an assortment of little things and it's such good therapy when you're out serving the Lord.

//My companions and I LOVED telling stories via video. We'd record ourselves telling a story (funny experiences, weird moments, you get the idea) and then when Monday rolled around, I'd store it on my little hard drive and forget it even existed. NOW those little silly videos are total gems. It is such a blast to go back and watch some of those old memories. 

//Print out and take your favorite conference talks with you. In fact, make a little binder full of them. It really does make all the difference when you're out in the field. 

//For language learners: when you hear a word you don't know, write it down and then ask others what it means. For some reason, this was the most effective way for me to learn new words. They always stuck.

//For the record, at the MTC no bags are allowed in the cafeteria. Leave all your books and stuff in your classroom and only carry your bag with you twice a day: when you go from your room to your classroom and from your classroom to your room. Your MTC classroom is literally your entire world for the time you're there. You're only in your room for an hour at the end of the day and a small amount of time in the mornings. So leave everything in your classroom! There's no use in lugging everything around for no reason!

//Do personal study ALWAYS in  your native language. The whole point of it is to strengthen your understanding and help you to receive inspiration for your investigators. The spirit speaks to you in your native language so save reading the scriptures in your mission language for language study. ;)

//Wear your watch on the inside (bottom) of your wrist rather than on the top. It's much easier to sneakily check the time that way when you're in a hurry or needing to end a lesson.

//It says pack hangers-- don't. There are always hangers available in the apartments from the sisters that leave. The houses kind of just accumulate left-over things from all the sisters that live there and move on.

//Tell your family all about dearelder.com and then teach them how to use it before you go. Because you get mail like twice a day at the MTC and getting dearelders are the BEST. Plus, they're the easiest ways to send letters to the MTC for your friends and family. 

//They always tell you your first few days there, "Just make it to Sunday!" They're not lying. Those first few days will likely be the longest days of your life... but enjoy it! And, just hang in there until sunday. :)

//Always go to the salad/soup bar. It's located near the back of the cafeteria (kind of?) But they have these "wraps" there that are awesome and I'm pretty sure I ate those as like 78% of my meals. Ask me if I got "sick" at the MTC. Nope!

//Go early to devotionals to get good seats! But bring your scriptures and a study journal so you can get some good study time in while you're there waiting for it to start.

//Relax-- just take moments to breathe it all in and appreciate the fact that you're a missionary! You've only got so long to be one, so enjoy it!

//Get REALLLLY familiar with PMG. Especially if you're learning a new language. Teaching is so much less stressful when you've got all the lessons down and you know them like the back of your hand.

//I never really got homesick on my mission. Of course, there were days... but I'd say the best way to avoid homesickness is to just stay busy! Study, study, study, and serve, serve, serve. When you don't leave time to think about home there's no time to be homesick!

//Keep a journal, dang it. If you don't like writing, draw cartoons. If you don't like writing or drawing cartoons... write a sentence a day. COME ON, it's not that hard. But it's so important to keep a record of the things you learn, see, and experience while you're on your mission. Figure out a way to make journaling fun for you and then just DO IT. 

//Pack all the liquidy stuff (lotions, hairspray, whatever else you need) in plastic bags just in case they spill. It protects your suitcase and all its contents and makes the clean-up process a lot easier. 

//Make it your personal goal to be the kind of companion that every missionary deserves. IT'S NOT EASY. But life is so much better when you have that mindset, I promise. Serve your companion and love your companion and missionary work is FUN.

//Have a nice water bottle and KEEP it with you. Water bottles are lifesavers, I'm tellin' ya. 

//Bring a hard drive or flashdrives to keep a back up of all your pictures and videos on. I saw too many missionaries lose their cameras and along with it alllllll their mission pictures! SO SAD.

//Be content but not satisfied. Don't beat yourself up because you're not as good at the language as you want to be or because of this, or that, or whatever-- be happy. Be content. But also be determined to keep working and keep improving no matter what. 

MISSIONARY LIFE IS THE BEST. I've never been happier than I was on my mission. So don't let the hard times get you down. Let the good times keep you going. It's hard, I'll be the first to tell you that. But in all honesty, it doesn't FEEL too hard. Not ever. Because you've got angels helping you on your left and your right and you've got the message of the restored gospel in your life. You're a part of GOD's grand army. So just remember to keep on fighting, soldier. Time passes much faster than you can imagine, and before you know it, it's all over. So make it count!

xoxo,

Sister Bagley

Officially Resubmitted.

Well, kids, I have officially resubmitted to once-again be a missionary! As of right now, I don't have a whole bunch of answers (for example, how long it will take for me to find out what's going on, if I'll get to return to my mission, when I'll get to go back if I get to return, etc.) but I feel really good about conquering this first little challenge and I'm keeping my fingers crossed and prayers being sent up to heaven in hopes that I'll get to return to my beloved Korea Seoul South Mission.

I don't know why things had to happen the way that they have. But I do know that God has a grand plan in store for ME and that no matter what, the most important thing is just remembering that He's the one in charge. 

So, whatever happens, happens. I've done my part, and now all I can do is just wait and see what the Lord has in store in my next chapter of life. Wish me luck!

xoxo

GUESS WHAT.

Guess who got medically released today...

THIS GIRL!!!

Now, onto getting back to Korea! 

thoughts from an early RM.

Being home (when you still feel as if you're supposed to be in another country) is such a surreal thing. You're surrounded by people and things that at one point in time were so normal-- and now all the normalcy almost makes it all feel abnormal. Have you ever had a dream where you were watching everything happen from a third-person perspective? For example, I once dreamed that I went to the wedding of my dear friend but instead of seeing it all from my own two eyes, I watched myself from above as if I were merely a fly on the wall. Kind of like in A Christmas Carol where Mr. Scrooge gets whisked about from past to present to future and he sees all that is happening but he's not actually a part of the occurrences. Well, that's what it feels like to be an early-returned missionary. 

I'm here, I'm home. I'm with family and loved ones. But given my current set of circumstances (i.e. desiring more than anything to return to Korea but remaining unaware of what the immediate future may uncover) my heart doesn't feel quite at home. I'm not sure any collection of words could ever fully capture the feelings, thoughts, and emotions that are so deeply intertwined with the experience of returning home before your assigned release date, but I do know that it's one of those rare life experiences in which a person can only truly comprehend once experiencing it themselves. 

And so I sit, day after day, rejoicing as my younger sister moves off to college and my younger brother receives the Preisthood, cheering as a dear friend exits the temple after being sealed to her sweetheart for time and all eternity, laughing when my nephew attempts his first few steps and falls so adorably upon his diaper-clad bottom-- and experiencing life while not actually mentally feeling as if I am progressing down any particular path of life. It's the missionary limbo-- I'm working to complete my service as a full-time missionary in the Korea Seoul South Mission but I am a released missionary residing in Utah. And with no definite verdict in the given situation, I feel as if I am standing at a stopping point in the journey; I'm at a fork in the road and at some point I'm going to have to keep walking. But with the limited information I now have, choosing a course upon which I must continue my journey is a terrifying concept. 

And so I just keep smiling when my infant niece presses a slobbery kiss to my cheek. I just keep falling to my knees at my bedside each night in gratitude for all the many ways in which I have been blessed. I just keep pleading in my heart for the opportunity to return to Korea and finish my time in total service of the Lord. And I just keep pressing forward; it's not easy to be home when your world revolves around your yearning desire to once again be a missionary... then again-- life was never meant to be easy. But it was meant to be enjoyed. 

All we can do amidst times of hardship and adversity is will ourselves to continually keep taking steps forward-- even if we do not know in which direction to walk. Our Savior is constantly reaching out to us and offering a hand to hold us up and support us when we feel as if we can no longer stand. I don't know many things, but I know He lives and I know that He loves me. And that knowledge alone makes everything I've gone through, everything I'm currently going through, and everything I have yet to go worth absolutely and entirely worth it. 

So to any of you who feel as if you're drowning in a sea of sorrows and discouragement, close your eyes and remember to just breathe. Because no matter what, when we do all that we can to be the best that we can be, we're promised our own happily every after. 

And it's worth every salty tear drop.

xoxo,

Sister Bagley